From “One Big Shortcoming” to Liberation.
My self-led, partnered IFS session today began with my focus on some activated physical parts—headache, weak knees and elbows, and a tightened gut—following a difficult decision I made to “break up” with a professional collaborator. Initially, I encountered a “juggling” part and a “fawning agreeable” part that were exhausted from years of silencing my authentic thoughts and feelings. As I sat with these parts and their physical sensations, a deep sense of oppression and grief emerged. A “shackled” part of me was crying out, exhausted from carrying the weight of what felt like continual thankless tasks and misplaced loyalties. By giving these parts space to expand into the rest of my body and my bedroom, the “oppression” began to lift, making way for a necessary, albeit raw, authenticity.
Tending to a Devastated Child
The core of this session shifted to my gut, where I met a very young part feeling the crushing weight of shame and inadequacy. This part felt like it was “one big shortcoming,” a small little-boy-exile in my childhood bedroom feeling inadequate, like a “quitter” who wasn’t tough enough to finish projects. He described his world as “one big hurt” that felt stunted and hopeless. Rather than trying to “fix” this part and its feelings, I offered simple, steady presence and empathy. This acknowledgment was transformative; the part began to feel less lonely simply because it was finally being heard and welcomed, seen and heard, without judgment.
The Journey Toward Connection
As the session closed, this vulnerable part reflected for a moment and—though feeling safe in a ‘passive but unprotected way’—decided it didn’t want to be left behind. It said it trusted me and had some newfound hope with me; it wanted to come with me. We visualized a slow, intentional journey—a bus trip from New Hampshire to Kansas City—taking the time to visit people and enjoy a newfound freedom. We ended with a “big bear hug,” a moment of mutual gratitude between adult, Self-led me and all my parts that arose and shared their thoughts and feelings today.
These posts are personal reflections on my own n=1 experiment with IFS and somatic inquiry. They are shared for educational purposes and are not intended as medical or psychological advice.