Checking In and Uncovering the Fixer.
My session began with a simple physical check-in, noticing my posture and adjusting to get comfortable in my chair. I first became aware of a part focused on practical tasks—specifically fixing my bike—which expressed a desire for accomplishment, connection, and belonging. As I inquired about its origins, this part explained that its broader drive to fix things actually began with a much bigger project: trying to fix my mother so she could function at her best and make my world safer. Recognizing the depth of this insight, I asked the bike-fixing part if I could spend time with this younger part that took on the role of fixing my mother in order to secure its safety.
Facing the Reality of Survival
As I tuned into this younger part, it expressed deep resentment over having to manage its own safety due to a mother who was too occupied to meet those needs. It shared how exhausting it was to carry a constant, hypervigilant orientation of wondering if it was safe, operating in a quiet, secret struggle just to ensure its own survival. While it felt resentment toward the situation and resisted rational analysis or judgment, it acknowledged the reality of what happened: it was forced into that protector role because no one else was doing it. When I offered genuine compassion and apologized that it had to carry such heavy burdens, the part felt a physical shift, moving from feeling potentially judged to feeling deeply acknowledged and validated.
Resting in Connection
While this exile part isn’t ready to unburden just yet and wants to continue making sense of its experience, it felt a profound sense of gratitude to finally be seen. It acknowledged being at the core of my system’s wounds and expressed relief that it no longer has to carry the task of securing safety alone. We ended the session with a somatic connection—holding each other close, letting the young part sink into my chest, and offering each other heartfelt thank yous before I slowly came back to my room.
These posts are personal reflections on my own n=1 experiment with IFS and somatic inquiry. They are shared for educational purposes and are not intended as medical or psychological advice.