Tracking a Trailhead
My session began with a body-check and I noticed a headache that spread to the base of my skull—what reminded me of the area of my amygdala and “reptilian brain”. As I sat with this, a trailhead emerged: a cluster of parts that had recently felt overwhelmed and dissociated during a group meeting. Interestingly, one part felt a flash of irritation and failure at the very idea of having a cluster of parts, believing I should be further along in my recovery. By inviting all these activated cluster-parts to a meeting table, I acknowledged their right to exist, and some of my internal tension shifted from judgment to curiosity.
Unburdening a Little Caretaker
A young, “stunted” exile then emerged who had been tucked away in something of a time capsule. This part felt like a burden and believed it needed to watch over my mother’s emotions to ensure hers and, by extension, its own well-being. In a redo, I introduced this child to my 61-year-old self and my mother’s spirit, who both reassured him that he was not a burden. He was having a hard time hearing this and was still processing it and, relatedly, was not ready to leave where he was, though he felt safe, it felt premature. He was also still processing the idea that he wasn’t “sent to this planet” to take care of her, his mother. We ended the session with acknowledging that “I would be back to continue listening and being with him, allowing a new idea—that he is worthy simply for existing—to slowly sink in.
These posts are personal reflections on my own n=1 experiment with IFS and somatic inquiry. They are shared for educational purposes and are not intended as medical or psychological advice.