Sensing and Acknowledging an Anxious Exile
During a recent self-IFS session, I worked with a long-standing anxious part in my gut. I explored how this exile feels it was nurtured into existence—a sensitive part of me that was quickly exiled in my youth while a tough protector part took over to hide that sensitivity. While exploring the tension between wanting to be present in the moment and feeling like I dwell on the past, this anxious part expressed a deep gratitude for simply being noticed and held. Somatically, I felt a distinct jolt in my gut as it signaled a desire for full acknowledgment and a warm bear hug, reminding me that its anxiety stems from a history of my sensitivity being rejected and dismissed.
Working with the Manager and Somatic Responses
As I scanned my body, I noticed physical sensations like a tingling in my arms, tension in my lower back, and a sense of worrying in my head, while my inner critic sat quietly nearby. I encountered a manager part that held the stance of “don’t be anxious,” operating out of a desire to keep up appearances and protect me from what others might think about my lifelong struggle with anxiety. When I gently inquired into its age and role, this part initially drew a blank, but eventually realized it was operating as if I were five years old. Upon updating it to my actual age of 61, the part acknowledged that it felt frustrated with its job of trying to suppress the anxiety. It came to see how its efforts were unintentionally contributing to a cycle of worrying about being anxious.
Finding Harmony and Integration
By bringing awareness to these dynamics, the protective manager realized it no longer needed to aggressively block the anxiety and expressed a willingness to help me heal instead. This shifted the internal polarization—anxious vs. don’t be anxious—into a space of mutual understanding, allowing my anxious exile to feel safely welcomed without feeling forced to change or vanish. My session ended on a calm, unifying note, with various parts feeling recognized and agreeable to disentangling past patterns from present daily experiences. We all wrapped up with a collective sense of internal connection and gratitude, stepping out of conflict and moving forward on the same page.
These posts are personal reflections on my own n=1 experiment with IFS and somatic inquiry. They are shared for educational purposes and are not intended as medical or psychological advice.