Gathering some Parts at the Table.
In a recent self-IFS session, I turned inward with a focus on balancing my everyday demands while checking in on the parts steering my life. Sitting down to account for which parts were present, I encountered a protective manager—imagined as a guy in a white coat with a clipboard and taking notes—who was hyper-vigilant about outdoor heat stress, my working too hard outdoors, and needing to pace myself. Alongside him was a part feeling the desire for rest, a rationalizing part trying to manage priorities on a short-staffed farm, and an inner critic commenting on my efficiency. Standing just in the wings was a part carrying shame and self-doubt about aging and slowing down. Physically responding to all these parts, I had a part that sought to honor them by assuring that when needed, I would step away from work to get water and cool down, which instantly helped ease my internal system’s tensions.
Uncovering the Exiles and Deep Inner Wounds
Moving deeper into the session, I asked these protective parts who they were ultimately trying to safeguard. This opened space to meet an exiled part carrying intense hypervigilance, anxiety, and deep-seated shame—somatic feelings that even showed up as weakness in my knees and elbows. These exiles revealed what I used to call “the exile blob”: an all-encompassing wound of childhood loneliness, disconnect, and fear. It shared how past activities or dissociation were simply survival strategies to escape this overwhelming darkness. Instead of being judged, this part wanted its suffering to be fully recognized and validated, feeling like a survivor who had endured immense pain and struggle.
Relief and Gratitude
As I stayed present with these exiles, they expressed profound relief at simply being seen, heard, and allowed to express the full depth of their past darkness without diminishment. They asked not to be forgotten, suggesting I regularly honor their journey and balance my life with both rest and active movement. Toward the end of the session, these deep wounds wanted to be revisited but also expressed a strong sense of gratitude, which ended in a mutual gratitude moment with a big group hug and deep appreciation between my Self and these parts for showing up to do this work together.