A Vulnerable Exchange and Some Triggering
In yesterday’s session, I recalled a recent conversation with a friend that triggered deep and scary reactions to my new levels of authenticity, which I am still not accustomed to. After noticing my own internal critic judging both myself and my friend, a familiar feeling of shame surfaced, leaving me feeling like a “bad person” who had done something wrong. Almost immediately, a voice inside me declared, “Someone’s gotta pay for this!” bringing to light a powerful part I came to know as Justice Executor, or Jay Ex. This part functions like a punisher, seeking a scapegoat to exact judgment whenever my system circles into a shame-based downward spiral.
Connecting with Jay Ex and Updating Its Role
When I turned to focus on Jay Ex, I discovered that it didn’t actually enjoy its job; it felt its punitive behaviors were archaic and misguided. When I asked Jay Ex how old it thought I was, it believed I was only five years old. After learning that I am actually 61, my whole body jolted as the part came to realize that it was no longer needed to carry out such a harsh role. Jay Ex then expressed relief at being able to step down from its job, requesting some quiet time to process its downplaying shift while also wanting, eventually, to transition into being a supportive presence that helps deconstruct punitive inner mindsets and welcome all parts.
Closing the Session with Mutual Gratitude
As the session progressed, exploring these themes briefly activated my scared bracing part that braces for impact in the wake of fears of retribution and punishment. I spent time validating my bracing part, acknowledging its reflexive fear response as normal and justified given its history. By the end of the session, both Jay Ex and my bracing part felt affirmed and heard. We all closed with expressions of gratitude toward each other, a gentle group hug, and a shared feeling of relief as my parts settled into a more relaxed state.