Starting with Some Protectors.
I began today’s session settling into my seat and doing a quick body scan, immediately noticing some activation in my head. I decided to start with a frustrated protector that gets triggered by everyday messes, like crumbs on the kitchen counter or misplaced tools in the shed. This part takes those situations personally—interpreting them as disrespect and an issue of injustice, despite knowing logically that it shouldn’t. Soon afterward, my inner critic stepped in, questioning whether working on a minor frustration like kitchen cleanliness was an efficient use of session time. However, as we stayed with it, the critic acknowledged that this situation was actually a solid trailhead—a practical example to look at how my internal reactions lead to judgments, disconnection, and isolation.
Uncovering the Underlying Exile and History
When I checked to see what these protective parts were worried about, they shared fears that without their vigilance, things would turn into chaos and people would take advantage of me. Once they felt heard and gave me space, an exile emerged—a younger part feeling frustrated, foot-tapping, and upset about the unfairness of being the one needing to clean up after others. As I spent time with him, I noticed some resentment beneath my cleaning activities and a desire for status, attempting to stay above the judgment of others. Beneath that resentment lay a history of growing up with clean standards, conditional love, and the pressure to perform to gain approval—a dynamic that felt like a straightjacket on my original creativity and awe regarding the world.
Integration and Moving Ahead with NVC
Toward the end of the session, the exile felt validated and relieved that its anger and need for respect were finally heard rather than just judged. We recognized that instead of harboring silent resentment, this issue presented a great opportunity to practice Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—moving away from performative expectations and toward open discussions about shared needs around commonly shared areas of a house. Before wrapping up, I offered appreciation and a physical hug to all the parts that showed up today. The session closed with my inner critic offering some light encouragement, and the exile feeling open to reconnecting and practicing clearer communication moving forward.
These posts are personal reflections on my own n=1 experiment with IFS and somatic inquiry. They are shared for educational purposes and are not intended as medical or psychological advice.