Opening My Inner World
In today’s self-session, I began by tuning into my body and noticing a familiar sense of openness, feeling a thinner boundary between my outer and inner worlds. I started with a nervous system check-in, tracking physical sensations from my face and torso down through my limbs. As I did this, my system responded with some tightening in my gut and an ache behind my brow. Initially, an inner critic was pushing me to pick a specific part to work on, but I chose to stay with the physical signals, tracking my bracing part in the back of my head and neck, as well as checking in with my justice executor part that was still cool with stepping back from its old protective role.
Meeting the Outer Judger and Bracing Parts
As the session progressed, I spent time with a judgmental part—what I might refer to as an outer critic or judger—that evaluates others (as I later discerned) to protect my more fragile, insecure, and wounded parts. When I offered this part appreciation for its presence, it felt skeptical and unaccustomed to gratitude, expressing that it felt stuck in a knee-jerk habit of criticizing. We explored its positive intent around wanting common standards and ethics, and it softened as it realized it was no longer needed as it once was. It then expressed a desire to be liberated from its judging role. Another part surfaced carrying concern about my being so transparent and vulnerable, showing up as weakness in my knees and tightening in my neck. It worried about my being overly transparent, and how risky it could be. I asked for it to remember that I am a human like everyone else; that transparency, while scary, has both personal (greater authenticity) and social benefits (it could set an example and thereby help liberate others). I also offered it reassurance and validated its need for safety.
Integration and Closing
In winding down, I offered gratitude to all the parts that showed up—the bracing part, the judger, the vulnerable part, and my quieter protective energies. While some parts were still making sense of the motives for their roles, there was a shared sense of calm, togetherness, and mutual appreciation as the boundaries between all of them felt more relaxed. I then closed the session by reassuring my system (all these parts) that I will return to continue our work together.
These posts are personal reflections on my own n=1 experiment with IFS and somatic inquiry. They are shared for educational purposes and are not intended as medical or psychological advice.